"I shaved my head in protest of
The Travis." - Matthew F. (cousin)

"He isn't my son, he's my nephew. 
That's bad enough." - Ken C. (uncle)

"I joined the Marines so I could go to South
Carolina where there has been an embargo on
The Travis for fourteen years." - Desi F. (sister)

"The Travis makes me this excited." - Sara R. (cousin)

"I waited 37 years before I had my first kid.
I should have waited longer." - Larry F. (father)

"I change my phone number twice a week to keep
The Travis in the dark." - Jane F. (grandma)

"My mom said he was adopted." - Patrick M. (cousin)

"We let him go hiking with us every summer with the
hope he'll get lost in the woods somewhere, and every
year we go home disappointed." - Joann F. (aunt)

"I get bitter beer face from The Travis." - Sean F. (cousin)

"Delaware is almost 3,000 miles from Reno and The
Travis. That's why I live there." - Irene F. (aunt)

"I was named after The Travis." - Travis C. (grandpa)

"The Travis was created in much the same way as Teflon. 
Some scientists were trying to make the best thing ever
and instead they created The Travis." - Brian F. (uncle)

"The Travis doesn't need to sing to break glass.  He can do it
just by speaking his own name outloud." - Ashley R. (cousin)

"The Travis invented male pattern baldness; reason enough
for me to kill him with a spatula." - Reese M. (cousin)

"I don't have a son. Or a The Travis." - Marci F. (alleged mother)

"Whenever I see him I make sure to let him know
how I feel.  So right away I punch him in the face
and kick him where it counts." - Jeffrey F.

"The Travis is a four letter word.  Well, actually,
'The Travis' is two words and nine letters, but
you know what I mean." - Liz M. (cousin)

"I had a beautiful dream that I was in a parallel universe
where nobody had ever heard of The Travis. When I woke
up I cried myself back to sleep." - Drew F. (cousin)

"I once made a wooden carving of The Travis just so I could light
it on fire and watch it burn to the ground." - Mark M. (uncle)

"When I hear his name I go insane with
rage and black out." - Sany R. (aunt)

"When my wife hears his name she beats me senseless
with my own arms until she passes out." - Ken R. (uncle)

"I tell kindergartners to never talk to strangers. But they
already know to never talk to The Travis." - Sara M. (cousin)