"The good players are like sex. When they're good they're good. And when they're not so good they're good."
-Bill Russell on good ball players.
"Police are stupid, they should enforce these speed limits or increase them so people can die."
-Daljit Saini
"Pass first, throw later."
-Sean Salisbury on how to run a well rounded offense.
"That's rock...Now that's rock...No that's shit."
-Brendan Shanahan on Darren McCarty's singing ability.
"Shoe."
-Brett Hull when asked if he could be a tree, what kind would he be.
"God created a few perfect people, the rest are right-handed!"
-Anonymous
"Is tuna really chicken?"
-Jessica Simpson, after reading "Tuna, Chicken of the Sea."
"When they put unknown at the end of a quote, that means they probably don't know how to spell anonymous."
-unknown
"I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."
-Shaquille O'Neal when asked whether he had visited the Parthenon during a trip to Greece.
"My game is like the Pythagorean Theorem, you can't solve it."
-Shaquille O'Neal
"Thank you Reno, we're glad your here."
-A Reno Lithia Suburu sign, if you can figure this one out let us know.
"Baseball rules wrong: Man with four balls can't walk."
-unknown
"Ladder of Success contains many splinters, but only noticed when going down."
-Chinese Proverb
"I guarantee a victory in game 5."
-Kobe Bryant before the Lakers game 5 loss to the Pistons.
"Not positive that's gonna stand up when the Titans come to play."
-Kenny Mayne on the Redskins' performance in the the first half of the Hearsay Finals.
"I just don't know what to think. I play in Colorado, they tell me they like me, and I get traded. I play in Calgary, and at the end of the season the GM tells me he likes me, and I get traded. I just hope my fiancee doesn't tell me she likes me."
-Chris Drury, after being traded from Calgary to Buffalo.
"That's ridiculous, Stalin must still be running the NCAA. That's just another example of them coming down on me."
-Jerry Tarkanian on UNLV's varsity Dodgeball team, which is currently on probation.
"No joke, I swear to God the Royals just lost runs. It was 9 to 5 now it's 9-3."
-Kavita Saini while watching ESPN's Bottomline from afar.
"Cranston, R.I. If I can win the Rhode Island vote, I have a shot. I will beat Matsui in Rhode Island, I guarantee it. There are a lot of corrupt people there, and they will do their best. I'm just not sure if they know how to use computers."
-Paul Konerko on his best shot at being the last player named to the 2004 A.L. All Star Team.
"I wonder how long my 15 minutes of fame will last"
-14:59 minutes later
"If it walks like a duck, and talks like a duck, it's not a mongoose."
-Stephen A. Smith
"I only say things to get a quote out of them."
-Kavita Saini after saying: I learned how to fly tomorrow.
"Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak."
-Someone bright
"The easiest way to find something that's lost is to buy a replacement."
-Anon
"Kids are easier to take things out on."
-Daljit Saini on why adults yell at kids.
"Well, aren't they always?"
-John Lynch on being told by referee Bernie Kukar that he had committed a personal foul by hitting a "defenseless" receiver.
"What does it matter, we're just going to handoff anyway."
-Laveranues Coles after being asked which Redskin QB he likes best.
"The Ohio State University"
-What's up with that anyhow?
"If you double my score, and add it to yours, it will still be lower than yours."
-Harold De Armas after the 2nd Physics 181 exam.
"Big Brother isn't watching, Little Brother is just a snitch"
-Harold's bored @ the Lab
"How many choices do you have in your pants?"
-Dr. Varol
"2 to the power infinity is much greater than infinity, it no longer is infinity, but much greater than infinity ..."
-Dr. Varol
"Four seconds on the button or five seconds telling it to shut off."
-Harold on his laptop's shutdown procedure.
"If somebody hit me and I know who it is, it's probably going to be on."
-Charles Barkley
"Like a dog that returns to its vomit is a fool who repeats his folly."
-Proverbs 26:11 (NASB)
"There are 10 kinds of people, those who don't understand binary and those who do."
-someone who does
"To me grading sounds like the devil's work."
-Kavita Saini
"Don't waltz with a duck - your eyes are in danger."
-Dr. Varol
"Education is second God."
-Jai Karan Singh
"I'm surprised Rasheed (Wallace) wasn't ejected for being in the building."
-Kavita Saini on the 'malice at the palace.'
"There are many, many more parents of gifted children then there are gifted children."
-George Perreault
"I tend to trust Carlos' memory so long as it doesn't contradict mine."
-Amit Saini
"Hopefully they'll feel sorry for me and leave."
-Kavita Saini when asked why she is so nice to the late night crowd at the ECC.
"I think it must have been an elephant instead of a groundhog that saw its shadow."
-Kanchan Saini on 4/30/05 (roughly translated from punjabi)
"Well it's French, the French stick s's on the end of everything."
-Cam to Amit on the spelling of coup d' gras.
"The proper office of a friend is to side with you when you are wrong. Nearly anybody will side with you when you are right."
-Mark Twain
"Man, there's a lot of records out there."
-Ichiro after he found out he broke the record for most hits for a player in their first five seasons.
"It's not a lie if it's the truth; you just can't handle the truth."
-Paige to Amit
"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never met."
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"No love for New England people, they're the freaking Stanley Cup champions, or Super Bowl Champions, whatever they are."
-Kavita Saini on being the only one to pick the Pats in week 12.
"If you "Google" Chad Johnson and the term "guarantee" you will find so many results that I guarantee you can't figure out which week or season he's talking about."
-NFL.com's Dr. Cheeks after "Johnson brilliantly guaranteed that the Bengals would beat the Colts in the playoffs to reach Super Bowl XL in Detroit."
"...when he pitched against the California- the Anaheim Angels, or the Los Angeles Angels one of those guys......I did cover everybody didn't I, the Angels, the Anaheim Angels, the California Angles, the Los Angeles Angels, no one's mad now are they, I got them all."
-Joe Morgan - Give him the Emmy!
"They've already had a lawsuit over it, I'd be careful if I were you......You got the former name, the current name, the disputed name, everything. "
-Jon Miller in response to his broadcast partner Joe Morgan's confusion about the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.
"Complex analysis is all fun and games until someone loses an i."
-Dr. Herald
"I’m going to stay on board that sinking ship until we get it going."
-Carolina Panthers punter Jason Baker on being a Cubs fan since 'Day One.'
"If you're alergic to peanuts it's probably a bad idea."
-Luke on eating a Mr. Goodbar.
"This is finally the year!!!"
-Carlos Hernandez (A dedicated Cubs fan)
"R is countable."
-Dr. Varol
"Flozell Adams has to lead the world in that."
-John Madden on false starts.
"Do you know when to walk away? Do you know when not to take less than you deserve, if you do, then you’re an honorable man."
-Burke's mom, Grey's Anatomy
"Poise. Patience. And the determination to go out and kill you at any given time."
-Randy Moss on Tom Brady's most notable attributes.
"We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give."
-Winston Churchill
"It\'s also good to know that we know how to factor tricycles."
-Dr. Paige
"I'll be like a superhero, combinatorist by day, fixed point nielsen theorist by night."
-Steve Lafleur
"If I was a doctor I would recommend not to do that."
-Robbie to Amit on waking up at 5am.
"Your \'About Me\' is disturbingly empty. Please Remedy.\'"
-Tu Madre
"Not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies."
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